Disappointed

Let me preface this with the assurance that I love my girls & will love them forever & ever.

The day was a bit rough today. Limits were challenged & challenged & challenged. Mommy was fragile. So we go to a movie tonight Beezus & Ramona (a must see! Loved it) and all is well. We laugh we cry we hug. Skylar then says something that absolutely crushes & disappoints me. Something I never could believe she would say or mean. I can honestly say I was not angry - I was truly sad & disappointed.

I am really trying to balance discipline with love. It is a tough pendulum. Specifically when you adopt an 8 year old. You want to ensure you are building her up & giving her a safe & comfortable environment but you also want to ensure that you are giving her enough discipline to ensure that she is a little girl that is well liked & seen for the true beauty she has within.

My childhood came rushing back tonight - I distinctly remember coming home late from the skate park (yeah I was sort of cool - well let me dream) and I was met by my Dad on the front steps. I was so scared. I put my bike away & walked up to the steps where he sat & all he said to me was - Michelle - I am very disappointed in you. He then got up & went into the house. I still remember the horrible feeling that came over me. I was ready for a stern talking to but not at all prepared for those hurt eyes that met mine.

Tonight I felt that same disappointment. I now know it was pure love. Love towards a child that my Dad knew was so much more inside. I felt that same love for Skylar tonight. I want her to feel good about herself & get attention because of her integrity & inner beauty. Not from the "shock comments".

Tonight I pray for guidance - for love to overcome my disappointment and for a beautiful little girl who still has not learnt how truly amazing & beautiful she is - without all the attention seeking.